Thursday, May 13, 2010

Coming clean

In my excitement over yesterday's weigh-in, I failed to notice something.
Until a friend (thank you, JB), pointed out to me that when I shed those five pounds, I not only dropped into a new decade, I dropped a digit from my journey.

I haven't been able to talk actual numbers here. I just haven't wanted to share publicly what seemed like such an intimate (humiliating?) description of myself.

But, I'm tired of being ashamed. And I don't want to live in fear anymore that you won't like me if you have a number to label me with. Am I lovable enough at this size?

I want to love me. And I'm in a place right now where I feel like honesty is crucial to learning how to do that. So I'm going to put something out there that has always made me look away at the doctor's office. Caused me to make awkward jokes. Even made me so uncomfortable, I demanded my husband leave the room so that I could whisper it to the anesthesiologist.

It's a number.

And right now, it's 249.
99 away from a healthy goal of 150.

It's me.

11 comments:

Blimpy Christian said...

It ain't nuthin but a number dahling!

Well done on coming clean. It's liberating. Now we can all watch with you as that number drops and drops and drops.

As for are you lovable enough at this size? Absolutely, yes. And if you were 50 or 100lbs heavier you would still be lovable.

And that's what this journey is all about. Well done on this week's fantastic loss, and the steps towards being proud of who you are, including every pound!

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

Nothing but a number hun. We love you and you are beautiful all the way.

Anini said...

I do know how you feel. I haven't shared my magic number with my boyfriend either. It's embarassing but I guess we just have to remember that... Numbers don't mean a thang! :) Thats another reason why I have just put my whole storey out there. Good. Bad. Whatever. It's our own unique journey

Lucy said...

Unless I get my calculator out, I have no idea what that number really means.....I know it's pounds, but I can't see it. But I can see your goddess face grinning at me, and hear the enthusiasm. So I'll go by those things babe.....xx

amoslionhorse said...

it's scary isn't it? when my blog wasn't open to my IRL life.. i had all my numbers up. but now I have IRL people reading..and I shut the numbers down. They can know how much I lost.. but not where I started or where I am. That will change.

You are doing amazing.. and can I say, congrats on breaking a significant barrier!! and everyone above.. is spot on. You are gorgeous, and it's just a number. It just happens to be a number we face everyday.. :)

Lynda with a Y said...

You tell 'em! Woo hoo! Good for you!

Megan said...

Lovable and beautiful -- that is you.

Natalie said...

I used to worry about sharing my numbers because I have co-workers who follow my blog and I didn't know if I really wanted them to know what I weigh. But I've realized that I've come a long way and I'm proud to say that I've almost lost 30lbs which means I started about where you did. 254 to be exact - not a fun number to share at first. But now that I'm almost in the 210s, I'm proud to say where I started!

It is just a number but as you lose more weight it also represents how far you've come. So flaunt those numbers girly - you'll really love them 30, 40, 100pounds down the line when you can see how far you've come!

angela | the painted house said...

I love what Natalie said--it represents where you are coming from, your starting line. Each step is taking you further away from the starting line and closer to the finish. You have inspiring courage, determination, and humor!

Beetnik Mama said...

Thanks, everyone, for understanding. I don't know why this is such a difficult thing to share. It seems like it shouldn't be . . . but, it is. Especially with the people who really know us. Weird.

However, as my husband reminded me this morning, he did get down on one knee and propose when I was at pretty much this weight some years ago . . .

Claire Watkins, ASID allied said...

I am CRAZY impressed! Not just with your healthy lifestyle, but your CANDOR. One. Brave. Lady!

Knock em dead!