Monday, May 3, 2010

Two shreds are better than one

Have a nice weekend?

If you said, "Yes," then I'm guessing you, unlike me, weren't in the depths of circuit hell.

Maybe because Saturday was the 1st of May, and summer is breathing down our necks . . . I don't know . . . but, somehow, the zany idea to start on a month-long regime of torture, widely known as Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred, popped into my head. And because I hate to suffer alone, I somehow convinced Paul to join me for it. (Hey, he put me on the Pull the TV's Plug program, so I think we're even, mmmmkay?)

Here are just a few examples of things you might have heard if you were a fly on the wall at the Beetnik's over the past 48 hours.

"I just showered, but only from the chest down."

Jillian Michaels: Come on! I have 400-pound people who can do jumping jacks!
Beetnik Mama (between gasps for breath): Those must be 400-pound people who never had a baby. I may have just peed myself.
Paul: Don't blog that.

"Now I understand why people on The Biggest Loser vomit."

Beetnik Mama: The only thing I still wanted to accomplish today was to scrub the tub.
Paul: You mean, scrub . . . using your arms?

"Jillian Michaels makes the baby Jesus cry."

Paul: I just can't believe the stiffness.
Beetnik Mama: That's what she said.

"Whose turn is it to carry Posey upstairs?"
"I can't do it. I'm crawling up them."

"I don't think I'll be able to manage sex again until we're up to Level 2."

Oddly enough, I came away from the weekend feeling hopeful. Although the next sexless, pain-filled, half-showered 28 days loom before us more dauntingly than a house where a toddler resides with no access to Dora the Explorer, I'm determined to see this through until it gets easier. I used to be able to do this.

I find Jillian to be pretty inspiring. At one point she says, "I know you want to turn off this DVD [ya' think?!?], but push through it. You don't get change for free." That hit home with me. I know she's right. I've never looked the way I wanted to look or felt the way I wanted to feel without working for it.

We only tackled Level 1, and I'm pretty sure that, at one point in my life, I was fit enough to jump into Level 2 or 3 with no problem. And I want that back.

I'm actually looking forward to seeing how I can progress.

As soon as I stock up on Depends.


Lucy said...

Ahhahahaha! I am laughing my bits off, not only at your post, but also at the pic of Jillian: I have a "Face in Hole" picture of my head on her body pinned up above my stationary useful!

Paul said...

You forgot one more.
Jillian: "the pain you feel is fear leaving your body"
Paul: "my entire body must be made up of bones, fat, and FEAR!"

Syl said...


I love to hate Jillian :-)

Michel said...

awesome! lol.

Anonymous said...

Hey Beetnik! Thanks for popping by my blog! I look forward to getting to know you!

yup, I do have allergies!! you hit the nail on the head!

love your writing.. you made laugh a couple times thru this post. :)

Natalie said...

First time to your blog - hilarious! I can relate to everything you said - especially the inability to hold my urine. Oh god no, not jumping jacks again. (trickle, trickle)

Hang in there. After day three you won't cry as hard when you squat to get on to the toilet.

Beetnik Mama said...

Amos, thanks for stopping by! I think you'll have your answer if you keep doing what you're doing, but you feel more rejuvenated in a few weeks!

Natalie, I'm holding on to your words desperately. I have been hobbling around all day today (day 3). I'm just stubborn enough not to stop, but I would love to feel better sooooon!

Sara said...

Tracie, I am loving your blog. This latest post had me in stitches and I read it out loud to my DH. I just got Jillian's 30 Day Shred in the mail last week and I think him seeing Paul do it with you has given him the motivation to join me. I'll let you know how it goes!

angela | the painted house said...

You are hilarious! And YOU GO BEETNIK!!!! I'm excited that you've added this to your challenge--nothing but burn and good!!!!!

So how does one post go from a FILF to a sexless 28 days? I'm so confused! :)

Beetnik Mama said...

Sara, I definitely want feedback on how you're both faring. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you don't have stairs. ;-)

Angela, even FILF's have to sacrifice sometimes apparently!

Nina said...

You're post convinced me to dust off the 30 Day Shred video I received two Christmas' ago! Uh...I barely made it 5 minutes in. Fortunately (or unfortuantely?) Connor decided to take a short nap yesterday. Going to give it another try again. Maybe I'll make it 7 minutes in this time?

Beetnik Mama said...

Nina, yesterday was Day 4 for me, and it was the first time I made it through all the jumping jacks. The ones in the front half of the video, that is. She's purely evil for sneaking in more at the end. (And those I have not made it through yet.)

I'm just taking JM at her word when she says that you'll see a difference by days 5, 6, 7 in your endurance. I know I'm not going to get progress unless I try to push myself.

So, heck yeah! Go for the 7 minutes today!

Carmen said...

LOL! I don't know who this Jillian woman is and after this post I'm pretty damn sure it's going to stay that way!

Stefanie said...

I am totally laughing out loud right now. You are hilarious!

Trace, I'm so proud of you. For this funny, witty, and informative blog, for all the changes you're making with your health, for setting a fabulous example for your girls, and for inspiring so many people (including me!) with your posts.

I love ya!

Andrea said...

I love it - I wish my blogs were half as funny as yours xx