Sunshine on a cloudy day

Mr. Parker: It's a Major Award!
Swede: Shucks, I wouldn't know that. It looks like a lamp.
Mr. Parker: What is a lamp, you nincompoop? It's a Major Award! I won it!
Swede: Damn, hell, you say you won it?
Mr. Parker: Yeah, mind power, Swede, mind power.

Remember that from A Christmas Story?

Well, not sure it was mind power that brought this award my way . . . I prefer to think it was my charisma, charm, and stunning good looks, but whatever the magnetism that landed it here, it's my first Major Award! And, thank you, Kristin, for bestowing it on me! Kristin is also a mommy to two, beautiful little girls, and she shares their fun, and always creatively lovely, days on her blog, Ellie-Town.


And, now, to pass along the sunny, good vibes, I'd like to extend this award to other inspiring bloggers out there. People whose blogs I'd like mine to be when I grow up.

Vivacious Vegan

Escape from Obesity

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit

Check 'em out! Spending time with them is even better than watching A Christmas Story.

It's a FILF Friday!

What can get me to slap $4.95 down on a conveyer belt faster than you can say Us Weekly? That would be reading a headline like, How They Lost the Weight. This inquiring mind wants to know.

I love getting the scoop on other people's weight-loss successes. If they can do it, well then, maybe little ol' me can do it, too. Keep your celebrity weight-loss secrets. I want to hear how real folks have dug in their heels and made it work.

So, what on earth is a FILF, you ask? Contrary to what you may be thinking (this is a family blog!), it's a Friend Interested in Losing Fat.

Occasionally on Fridays, we'll be getting insider tips from people just like you and me. Some of them have lost weight, some may be at their goal, and some may be just starting out. But, if there is one thing I've learned over my years on the chub roller coaster, it's that most of us are a lot more alike than we might realize. No matter our approach to food and eating, there are usually a lot of similarities we can see in our emotions, struggles, and passion about food and our weight.

Today, we'll be traveling Down Under to meet Lucy, who I met recently through the blogging world. When I read Lucy's blog and learned a little bit about her, I knew I'd found a kindred spirit. So for our second installment of FILF Fridays, please welcome Lucy!


Please tell us a little bit about you.
I live in the foothills of Adelaide, South Australia, with my lovely husband and my three lovely children. The children are embarrassingly close in age. I work for myself as a consultant project manager. My hobbies are to blog, to entertain, and to walk.

What brought you to where you are now in your weight loss journey?
At the start of 2008, I made the choice to take back my life and to transform myself from an obese 121kg goddess to a lithe and supple goddess of healthier proportions. I still have a way to go. 20kg to go.

At the start of 2009, I added a detour to my journey to health by choosing to give up smoking after 27 years. (Yep. I only just hit 40. I started smoking at aged thirteen. Scary. SO glad to be rid of that habit.)

So, in two years, I lost over 30kg and transformed my health.

What has kept you going?
When I very first started, I wrote out goals. I visualise intently and practice this. I have a project plan, and whilst it has deviated, the goal remains the same, so I just keep coming back to that goal of how I want to feel. I find it easier to plan and work towards something, rather than be grinding away from something. So I have noticed that when I need to refire up my flagging enthusiasm, I remind myself of the end prize.

Any favorite, nutritious meals you come back to again and again?
Garlic prawns combined with steamed veggies. Or a BBQ . . . or my take on butter chicken . . .

What has been most challenging for you in this process?
The emotional side of things. I am torn between the concept that “all diets work, just stick to it. Eat less and move more," and the realisation that it is our emotions that have the ability to keep us fat. The war between those concepts' use is immense, and energy draining.

Is there something you've tried that you'd never do again? Or something you do find worthwhile?
Ummmmm, laxatives are not a good idea. I have never abused them, but I once took some on a Saturday night as I was feeling very constipated. They worked into the middle of a huge, long, steep walk up through Black Hill Conservation Park. Luckily, there were no other walkers around. Enough said.

But something I DO think is worthwhile is psyllium husk, to aid your fibre intake and to reduce cholesterol levels. There. Probably enough about bowel movements now?!

If you could talk to Lucy 10 years ago, what would you tell her?
Start the weight loss thing NOW. You know you need to, babe. You are walking well, but eating so much crap. Stop it. Stop smoking and stop chugalugging too much beer, stop partying so hard. Slow down. Any minute now, you are going to want to start a family. Start planning for your health NOW. You will have all the babies you want, I promise. You will be a birthing goddess. Just lose some weight now? Make it easier on yourself? I love you. Stop working so hard.

How do you balance your dietary needs/restrictions with your family's?
This is an interesting one. We do not talk about “diets” at all in my family. Ever. We talk about exercise being fun, and food that gives us energy. When we see junk food that is tempting in the shops or at a restaurant the family phrase is “that is not great energy food. Maybe we can find something that’ll give us more energy." It is easy for me to follow my family and eat exactly what they eat. But if I want to lose weight, I just cannot eat the mashed potatoes with butter, or the ice cream. I am at the stage now when I have to resist. It is hard.

Do you have any tips/advice you think might help other FILF’s?
Believe. You have to get into a place in your brain where you truly believe that you can and will be the shape and size and health that you want to be. Once you believe that in your heart and mind, it becomes SO much easier to eat less and move more.

***

Congratulations on kicking the butts, Lucy. Sounds like you're kicking a whole lotta butt with your weight loss and fitness goals, too! You've given us a bunch of food for thought, and we're thrilled you could join us for a FILF Friday. We're better for having met you!

*You can follow Lucy's progress and read more of her inspiring thoughts on her blog, Diminishing Lucy.

Coming clean

In my excitement over yesterday's weigh-in, I failed to notice something.
Until a friend (thank you, JB), pointed out to me that when I shed those five pounds, I not only dropped into a new decade, I dropped a digit from my journey.

I haven't been able to talk actual numbers here. I just haven't wanted to share publicly what seemed like such an intimate (humiliating?) description of myself.

But, I'm tired of being ashamed. And I don't want to live in fear anymore that you won't like me if you have a number to label me with. Am I lovable enough at this size?

I want to love me. And I'm in a place right now where I feel like honesty is crucial to learning how to do that. So I'm going to put something out there that has always made me look away at the doctor's office. Caused me to make awkward jokes. Even made me so uncomfortable, I demanded my husband leave the room so that I could whisper it to the anesthesiologist.

It's a number.

And right now, it's 249.
99 away from a healthy goal of 150.

It's me.

Weigh-in Wednesday

There is a Cathy comic strip I saw years and years ago that stuck with me. Maybe you remember it. It's the one where we see Cathy using the loo, brushing her teeth, shaving her legs, and cleaning out the lint from her belly button. Getting ready for her day? No. Getting ready to step on the scale. That was me this morning. And it paid off!

Hello, minus FIVE!!!!!

Can you tell I'm a little excited about that?

All of you who said it would take awhile for me to see the benefits of the exercise were right. I just had to hang in there for one more week. And shave my legs. (Hey, it's not quite capri season here yet, alright? Don't judge.)

Now, sadly, I didn't hang in there with the Shred. I wanted to. Boy, I really wanted to. By Day 5, I could definitely see a difference in how well I could keep up. Unfortunately, by Day 3, I was already feeling heel and knee pain. So when it stuck around, and got worse, I decided I needed to listen to my body and back off a little.

I am now either walking with the girls in the stroller or doing the Walk Away the Pounds DVD. The DVD is old-school, but I like it. I can keep up, but still be challenged. I sweat, but I don't feel chewed up and spit out at the end. For now, the walking is working for me.

I did make another change this week. I decided to really pay attention to how many calories I'm taking in. Right away, the very first day, I saw several areas that were clearly trouble makers. 200 calories worth of granola on my yogurt? And 300 calories worth of salad dressing? Ouch. I quickly realized I could make a couple of adjustments and have room for more filling (and nutritious) foods throughout the day. So I'm still using granola on my yogurt, but now I measure out a tablespoon or two and simply enjoy it as a little added crunch.

I will be the first to tell you that I typically hate measuring my food with a white hot passion. But, I will also be the first to admit that I have pathetically poor judgment when it comes to amounts. Give me a 1/4 cup of something, and I'd swear it was probably a tablespoon's worth. (See why physics was so traumatic for me? I have zero capacity for anything spatial. Maybe that's part of the reason I failed to notice my hips spreading over chairs until it came time to cram them into a middle, airplane seat.)

So because I can easily call a pint of soy ice cream one serving (What? It's soy. Come on!), I think I need to stick with the measuring and tracking for awhile. I plan to also start being mindful of the nutrients I'm taking in, and a site like daily burn was recommended to me for doing that.

I'm so excited about the progress this week. I've been thinking a lot about getting into the next decade because, psychologically, it's an important one. But I truly didn't expect that to happen already. I thought it was probably still a couple weigh-ins away. Now that it has, I'm really feeling lighter -- in more ways than one. I left a little bit of mental baggage behind along with those five pounds. Oh, it's still going to take me many months of hard work to reach my goal, and I have a lot more decades to break through to, but maybe I can celebrate more weeks like this one along the way.

And I hope you'll be here to celebrate with me. Thank you so much for the supportive comments. You didn't let me throw in the towel last week and go running for the cookie jar.

You're better than a new sports bra that hasn't accidentally been thrown into the dryer yet.

Pay attention

The staircase in our house is a little treacherous compared to modern ones. The steps are narrower, they're slightly steep, and there is a bit of a twisty turn at the top. They have also been an ongoing project since we moved in almost two years ago (apparently restoring them to their original glory after 113 years is pricier than just building a whole new staircase. Who knew? Oh, and let's pretend we don't see the dust on them either, k?).

So even with our added safety measures (new spindles to fill in the wide gaps and an additional handrail), we get nervous when Eloise is on the stairs. Especially because she has a tendency to look all around while she's heading down them. She'll turn and look behind her, down, up, you name it. Just about every direction except where she's supposed to be looking.

Because of that, Paul and I find ourselves constantly telling her, "Pay attention to where you're going!" And as I uttered the words the other day, I realized that I was giving her the wrong advice. I really needed to remind her to pay attention to where she was. Looking ahead was where her eyes needed to be, but we actually wanted her to be mindful of where she was at each moment as she descended the stairs.

And, by gosh, if that isn't a metaphor for this journey.

It's so easy for me to get lost in emotional beatings over how I got to where I am now. Or to fantasize about all the things I'll do when I'm finally thin. Don't get me wrong -- I think having some imagination about what my life will look like, when I've finally achieved that magic number on the scale, can be perfectly healthy. As long as it's not at the expense of living my life today. Sometimes it's easy to put off things that I probably could do now by using the excuse of my weight. Or my insecurities. (But, really, I can't pull off a pixie cut when I'm nowhere near pixie-ish, right?)

Living in this very moment, when it comes to weight loss, is so . . . hard. I'm not alone thinking that, am I? But, I just can't do the regret any more. At the same time, coming to grips with the length of time this weight loss may take me makes me slightly nuts. I'm typically thinking along the lines of: How can I get there faster, faster, faster???

Then a good friend, who has experienced a significant weight loss, told me that, although it has been slow, she has enjoyed the journey. Imagine that! Enjoying weight loss! There's a concept, huh?

But, honestly, today, I'm right there with her. I may be feeling a little bruised physically, but mentally and emotionally, I haven't been in such a great place, day to day, with food since . . . ever?

I'm learning and growing.
Loving the support from people I've never met as well as good friends and family.
Getting inspired from stories similar to my own.
And constantly looking around . . . looking around me to savor exactly where I am right now.

Mother's Day 2010

What a wonderful Mother's Day I had! The best one yet.

Both of my little girls gave me the gift of being well behaved. What more could I ask for? But, more I got.

We went for a fabulous brunch on a local farm. We had hoped it would be fun for the kids, and we were not disappointed. In addition to a fabulous spread (lots of vegetarian items), complimentary mimosas, and lovely live music, we enjoyed games out on the lawn, visits with the farm animals, and an ice cream stand with root beer floats. It was a Mother's Day I'll look back on fondly for years to come.

Tita joined us for our down home celebration.

For some reason, Paul seemed a bit disgruntled after being sent on his 5th trip to the complimentary Momosas bar.
What?

They had a photographer there taking the truly old-school photos -- are those called tintype? He set us up, got focused (which takes several minutes), stuck his head under a velvet cloth to look through the lens . . . and then Posey moved. With this process, no one can move. No wonder nobody used to smile in photographs. We saw another family's finished product, and it was very cool. But, in ours, Posey looked like our baby ghost.

A couple of non-tintype family photos.

Trying for a shot of only the girls, but the sun was so bright, we just got silly!

Our little country girls.

Here, Paul is trying to convince Eloise that she could carry the croquet ball around for a little while, but she could not smuggle it home with her.

Fortunately, we kept "seeing the animals" in our back pocket until the end of the visit, so a total croquet meltdown was averted.

Party's over.

This was one of those days that had me feeling very, very grateful for the incredible life I lead and the amazing people in it. Thank you, family, for making this such a memorable Mother's Day. I had a beautiful time soaking up the spring sunshine . . . and the love.

P.S. A morning on a farm is the gift that keeps on giving -- both girls napped for more than three hours in the afternoon. I am a lucky lady.

Good reminders

Beetnik Sister, Beetnik Oma, and Beetnik Mama
May 2007

It's big doin's around here . . . Sunday is Mother's Day (just a reminder for anyone thinking about getting me something fabulous), and today is the half-way point of this crazy vegan experiment I put myself on. I'm two months in, and, at this moment, I can't imagine changing anything after the next two months are up.

Already, I've
noticed more energy,
lost 14 pounds,
dramatically increased my intake of fruits and veggies,
started exercising,
tried (and enjoyed!) new foods, and
tackled intimidating recipes.

I'd tell you that I've also been happy to experience an increased libido, but that might embarrass my husband, so I won't mention it.

The amazing fact is, I haven't felt deprived living as a vegan. On the contrary, because I've finally made the commitment to cooking healthy meals, all the Beetniks are eating better than ever. Who knew I could love pizza without cheese? But, I do! I really do.

Something just clicked with me two months ago. Maybe it's because I put a time limit on this idea. I figured I could tolerate just about anything for four months, right? But, I really wanted to try this way of eating, and my main goal wasn't to remove meat from our plates, but to make room for more fruits and veggies.

But, really, the best outcome, which I didn't list, has been learning to love myself again. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still a long ways from truly embracing the Beetnik Mama, and all her wobbly bits, that I am today. But I have two constant reminders of why I need to do just that.




I don't know when I stopped loving, and started loathing, myself. But I will do everything in my power to keep my daughters from ever feeling such self-hatred. I strongly believe in the influence of role models, and I don't want them to grow up watching a mother who avoids her own reflection. So, it seems we'll be building our healthy self-esteem together.

And beyond appearance, I don't want them to grow up with a mother who doesn't eat well or exercise. It may sound silly, but I imagine us to be that family who enjoys being active together -- whether it's hiking or riding our bikes or just walking around the neighborhood. And I can't do those things very easily until I get healthier.

Oh, little girls, I love you so much. I am protective of you with such a fierceness -- and that may be where this desire to change myself originates. I want to shield you from any hurt, no matter where it comes from, but especially from the most painful source -- your own psyche. I want your little spirits to always be filled with the light and glow and strength you have now. To hear you say, with the most supreme innocence -- "Look, I'm pretty!" as wholeheartedly when you're 32 as you do at age 2.

You are my reminders. I'm certain god, the universe, some power greater than me, saw that giving me two beautiful daughters would bring a clarity and purpose and fulfillment to my life that I could never find any other way. And I know that this enormous responsibility cannot be taken lightly. I've been given the opportunity to help you become as incredible women as you are children. Women who love themselves as fiercely as their mother loves them. I will do anything to make that happen.

As I contemplated my role as a mother, I remembered a poem I wrote to Eloise two years ago. Yesterday, I found and read it for the first time since I wrote it. And I realized that it sums up my feelings about motherhood. So I'll share it with you, and wish you the most wonderful of Mother's Days. May you and your own little pretty ones embrace the joy that comes from just being together.


New Love

Look at that.
Five perfect toes on the end of a perfect, chubby foot.
I could stare at those toes all day.
And, to think, her father and I created those.
And, I carried her inside of me for months, and she thrived there.
And then I nourished her with my body.

We are one.
And, yet, each day that passes, she becomes more and more her own little spirit.

How did I exist before this?

Would I have believed someone if they told me I wouldn't be able to get through Goodnight Moon without crying? So overwhelmed by the scent of her head resting against my chest? That I would be so overcome with love that I could barely stand to put her down and leave her for the night?

No. I wouldn't have believed it.

And, yes, the days have never been as long,
But the air has never been as sweet.
I kiss the sweaty little folds of her neck as she turns her face into mine and rests her head on my shoulder.
Her eyelashes brush my cheek.
I am breathless . . . just feeling her heart beat next to mine as we sway together.

Sweet dreams, precious baby.

Test drives: Treats for my sweets

Thanks to everyone who chimed in yesterday for support. I had a little bit of an epiphany last night when I was brushing my teeth (a lot of posts stem from the bathroom around here. Noticed that?). I had watched Real Housewives of New Jersey right before bed (so glad the DVR is back!), and one of the Real Housewife Husbands lost 70 pounds over the course of a year. The thought, "Oh, how I would love to be 70 pounds lighter next year," popped into my head.

And then I suddenly realized, if I keep losing 7 pounds each month (the rate I've been losing so far), I will actually lose more than 70 pounds by this time next year. I swear, you should have seen my face. It was just this "Oh!" moment. Like, hey, maybe things aren't as dire as I thought they were.

So, since you've been so sweet with your encouragement, I thought I'd share a couple of my latest yummy discoveries with you. First, although I still love my homemade dressing, I have fallen hard for the Goddess Dressing from Annie's Naturals. Oh, my lovelies, this is delicious. This is so good, my two-year old now tells me she wants salad. (I'm wondering if slathering it on broccoli will change her tune about that veggie, too.) It's such a nice blend of flavors, with just a slight Asian hint. Give this one a try!

Now, a girl can't live by salad alone. Not even a vegan girl. So, I like to keep these tasty little frozen pies on hand for times when dinner maybe didn't quite fill me up.


(I read once, I think it was in French Women Don't Get Fat, that dessert shouldn't be eaten if you're completely full. But, if you've had a light dinner, and you still aren't quite satisfied, then that's the time for dessert. I thought that tip made a lot of sense, and really, it's counter to the way a lot of us were raised, isn't it? Do you still feel like you need to eat a full meal before you've "earned" dessert?)

A word of caution: Two oatmeal cookies, chocolate, and "ice cream" take a hefty chunk from the calorie bank. At 330 calories each, I try to limit myself to half of a pie (it's really more like an ice cream sandwich). "Try" being the operative word. The store I buy them from sells them individually, so that helps. I only keep one or two around at any given time.

Just in time for warm weather. It's my ideal summer meal -- salad followed by a frozen novelty. Enjoy!

Weigh-in Wednesday

Oh, for crying out loud.
I'm still Roseanne.

One thing I've tried not to do too much of, on this blog at least, is complain. Sure, I know I whined about having to exercise, but other than that, I try to keep things upbeat. Surround myself with positive energy here, if you will.

But today, I'm just not feelin' it. Although I try not to let the scale rule my emotions, sometimes, it just does. And after the week I had, where my eating was strictly healthy and I really kicked it up more than a notch with workouts, I was disappointed to see only a one-pound loss this morning.

It especially doesn't make sense because of my saintliness last night. How I wasn't driven straight to the freezer to start immediately shoveling heaping spoonfuls of soy ice cream into my mouth, I'll never know. What had me contemplating an evening filled with chocolate and doughnuts was The Incident. The one we shall forever more refer to as The Incident We Do Not Discuss. Honestly, I deserve, at the very least, for one additional pound to melt off and possibly to receive some sort of badge of courage.

I won't go into too many details, but I'll tell you -- it involves poop. At this point, I'm strongly considering shutting down this blog entirely and starting up a new one dedicated solely to bodily excrement. It seems my life somewhat revolves around it these days.

As I've mentioned more times than you've probably cared to hear, we've been working on potty training with Eloise. To her credit, she's been doing really well. There is just one teeny, tiny problem -- she has stopped daily poos. I think she is suffering from a really long bout of stage fright. It's like she's freaked out about pooping on the potty, so she only goes once every three or four days. When she absolutely has to. And, don't forget -- she's eating bran muffins and fruit with me every morning.

Yeah, so I'm sure you've probably started to form a mental picture . . . let me fill in a few extras for you.

There was a nap.
There was a pull-up filled with poop, lots of it, by the end of that nap.
There was a pair of leggings that got caught on the top of the pull-up as I tried to get them off.
There was a forceful tug.
There was a moment, when the leggings came free, but when they did, they snapped the pull-up down or off or wildly into some other freakish direction.
There was a feeling of dread, when I suddenly realized the wall, the door, the changing table, the floor, my child, and me had just been splattered with poop. FOUR DAYS WORTH OF POOP. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

So. If I seem a little downtrodden . . . well, maybe you'll pity me.

And indulge me. Tell me your body didn't respond to work outs right away. Or that you lost 6 pounds the second week you worked out. Something.

And should I reconsider what/how I'm eating? Could I be consuming way more calories than I think I am? Have any of you lost weight without counting and measuring?

One thing's for sure. Bran muffins are off the menu.

Celebrities invade the House of Beetnik

We suck.
The TV is back on.
And, I'm blaming Betty White.

Turns out, it wasn't the lure of trashy reality shows that did me in, it was the lack of information. I missed current events. I missed the news. (Mom, if you're reading this, I know I could get a newspaper delivered, but I barely have time to read the headlines on Yahoo's home page, let alone leaf through a messy heap of inky paper. They are messy! Sorry. I know how you love your daily.)

So, yeah, I heard awhile back that Betty White was going to be hosting Saturday Night Live (Hey, I even love the Weekend Update!) in May, and that's happening this weekend. How could I not be tuned in for that? It just wouldn't be right. I love me some Betty. Reinstituting satellite service was a quick, and painless, decision.

Now, don't go thinking we're doomed to return to our sofa hugging ways. We did learn a thing or two over the short week we managed to live without access to America's favorite pastime. Primarily, we learned that we have plenty of other ways to fill our days. Between Paul's long hours, my slow ascent on the cooking learning curve, and two very young daughters, we can't afford to spend all of our free time in front of the TV. Honestly, there were moments when watching TV almost felt like yet another commitment that I was bound to fulfill. I felt pressure to watch the shows we usually watched! (From who? The Nielsens? Weird. I know.)

So the plan (for now, obviously things can change quickly around here) is to be more mindful of our time in general and certainly to limit how much TV we watch. Like last night, for example, did I watch Dancing With the Stars? No, I did not. And I may not watch The Biggest Loser tonight. Trust me, I've had more than my fill of Jillian lately.

Meanwhile, in preparation for Weigh-In Wednesday, I believe I've found the perfect scale.

Can you see? Instead of numbers, it gives you a reading of which celebrity you weigh. Oh, my.

Will this be good or bad for the psyche? I mean, what if I stepped on and it spun all the way to Las Vegas Elvis? Now there's a mental image of myself I was hoping to avoid. Forever.

Nonetheless, why get wrapped up in numbers when you can visualize instead? Okay, "Michael Moore" may not be what you were hoping for, but then you just buckle down and start working toward "James Gandolfini." Before you know it, "Jack Black" will be on the horizon. Now, isn't that more motivational than a bunch of silly numbers?

In case you're interested, you can select your very own celebrity scale here.

I wonder how much Betty White weighs?

Two shreds are better than one

Have a nice weekend?

If you said, "Yes," then I'm guessing you, unlike me, weren't in the depths of circuit hell.

Maybe because Saturday was the 1st of May, and summer is breathing down our necks . . . I don't know . . . but, somehow, the zany idea to start on a month-long regime of torture, widely known as Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred, popped into my head. And because I hate to suffer alone, I somehow convinced Paul to join me for it. (Hey, he put me on the Pull the TV's Plug program, so I think we're even, mmmmkay?)

Here are just a few examples of things you might have heard if you were a fly on the wall at the Beetnik's over the past 48 hours.

"I just showered, but only from the chest down."

Jillian Michaels: Come on! I have 400-pound people who can do jumping jacks!
Beetnik Mama (between gasps for breath): Those must be 400-pound people who never had a baby. I may have just peed myself.
Paul: Don't blog that.

"Now I understand why people on The Biggest Loser vomit."

Beetnik Mama: The only thing I still wanted to accomplish today was to scrub the tub.
Paul: You mean, scrub . . . using your arms?

"Jillian Michaels makes the baby Jesus cry."

Paul: I just can't believe the stiffness.
Beetnik Mama: That's what she said.

"Whose turn is it to carry Posey upstairs?"
"I can't do it. I'm crawling up them."

"I don't think I'll be able to manage sex again until we're up to Level 2."

Oddly enough, I came away from the weekend feeling hopeful. Although the next sexless, pain-filled, half-showered 28 days loom before us more dauntingly than a house where a toddler resides with no access to Dora the Explorer, I'm determined to see this through until it gets easier. I used to be able to do this.

I find Jillian to be pretty inspiring. At one point she says, "I know you want to turn off this DVD [ya' think?!?], but push through it. You don't get change for free." That hit home with me. I know she's right. I've never looked the way I wanted to look or felt the way I wanted to feel without working for it.

We only tackled Level 1, and I'm pretty sure that, at one point in my life, I was fit enough to jump into Level 2 or 3 with no problem. And I want that back.

I'm actually looking forward to seeing how I can progress.

As soon as I stock up on Depends.

It's a FILF Friday

What can get me to slap $4.95 down on a conveyer belt faster than you can say Us Weekly? That would be reading a headline like, How They Lost the Weight. This inquiring mind wants to know.

I love getting the scoop on other people's weight-loss successes. If they can do it, well then, maybe little ol' me can do it, too. Keep your celebrity weight-loss secrets. I want to hear how real folks have dug in their heels and made it work.

With that in mind, a new feature is kicking off at SAB.
It's FILF Fridays!

What on earth is a FILF, you ask? Contrary to what you may be thinking (this is a family blog!), it's a Friend Interested in Losing Fat.

Occasionally on Fridays, we'll be getting insider tips from people just like you and me. Some of them have lost weight, some may be at their goal, and some may be just starting out. But, if there is one thing I've learned over my years on the chub roller coaster, it's that most of us are a lot more alike than we might realize. No matter our approach to food and eating, there are usually a lot of similarities we can see in our emotions, struggles, and passion about food and our weight.

So pull up a seat and allow me to introduce you to the first FILF ever to grace the pages of songs about beets. Please welcome, Michel!


Michel, who is married to her husband, Mark, is a stay-at-home mom with two beautiful little girls, Paige and Avery. She told me she loves running! Let's read about how she developed that devotion.

What brought you to where you are now in your weight loss journey?
I started losing weight with Weight Watchers (WW) and walking after having my first daughter. After the second daughter, I went back to Weight Watchers. I've lost 50 pounds since I started WW in June of 2008. I really put together a workout regime in December of that year. I started to workout at home more with dvd's and walking dvd's. I then made the commitment to train to run the 2009 Bank of America Shamrock Shuffle 8K. Additionally, in 2009, I ran four 5K's and two 8K's. I am now training to run the 2010 Bank of America Chicago Marathon in October.

What kept you going?
Friends telling me that I inspire them. I don't want to let them down by quitting. Also, I'm still not at my goal weight. I envision myself as a thinner and more in-shape version of myself.

Any favorite, nutritious meals you come back to again and again?
I have a favorite Tomato, Basil and Mozzarella Pasta salad from WW that I love that has become like comfort food for me. I make it at least once a week. I portion it out so I can grab it when I just want to add some grilled chicken and make it more filling.

What have been your high and low points?
High point: I just did a 5K where I achieved a personal record time. I also got an award for coming in second in my age and weight category, called the Clydesdale. I never, ever place, so it was a really big deal for me. I cried. I couldn't help it.

Low point: When I threw my back out twice in December of 2009. I had to basically give up working out for awhile. The time off made it hard to get back into a groove with workouts and running.

If you could have any celebrity’s body, who would you choose and why?
Gabriella Reece. She has an athlete's body that's very feminine. She's not a stick, she has curves. It's awesome.

If you could talk to Michel 10 years ago, what would you tell her?
Fast food and beer are temporary fixes. Also, keep on moving!!

Do you have any tips/advice you think might help other FILF’s?
1. I was at a WW meeting one day and one of the members had a great loss that week. Our leader asked her to talk about her week. She talked about how she had a family member in the hospital, and it was a really stressful week. She said that she "couldn't control what was going on around her, but she could control what she ate." It was like a light bulb went off! I think that's a lot of people. Some people eat when they are happy, sad, upset, stressed out, you name it. But don't let that lead your life.

2. I had done a Jillian Michael's workout one night. As much as it killed me to do it, the one thing that stuck out to me is something she said at the end. She said,"Don't sabotage what you just did!" Meaning, just because you worked, that doesn't mean you can go raid the cookie jar. That voice and saying have followed me around a lot. It helped me pass up the pretzel joint at the mall plenty of times. Thank you, Jillian!


Thank YOU, Michel! You've accomplished so much -- you're truly an inspiration. We're thrilled you could join us for the FILF Friday kickoff. We're better for having met you!

*You can follow Michel's progress and find the recipe for her favorite pasta salad on her blog, Baby Weight My Fat Ass.

Continued success. In more ways than one.

Alternatively titled: How Posey Saved Our Lives.

I know I said I wanted the universe to propel me off the sofa, but jeesh, I didn't want it to hurl me into the path of oncoming tree limbs.

Earlier today, I shared about how my youngest daughter feels the need to let her toes air out at all times. So, when we left on this very breezy morning for another walk, I was sure to check Posey's toes for any missing socks at frequent intervals (putting shoes on her would have been another option, but I like to make things as difficult as possible on myself.).

It was at about stop #17 to either pull socks up, retrieve them from the sidewalk, or snatch them out of Posey's mouth, when I paused slightly to catch my breath before unbraking the stroller and moving on. Just at that moment, a huge branch from the tree overhead dropped about 2 feet in front of us. Had we walked ahead any sooner, I'd be typing this, fully concussed, from the ER.

Whew.

Obviously, the universe is trying to tell me that walking is too dangerous, and I am naturally better suited to sitting with my feet up, while drinking fruity cocktails.

But, I'm not listening!

Getting out today felt good. Sore buns even.
Thank goodness, and Posey's toes, that's the only pain I'm feeling.

Success!

I don't know if the planets were aligned perfectly or I just finally got tired of hearing myself drone on about not wanting to exercise, but whatever the cause -- today, I just did it.

A 40-minute brisk walk, in fact. Broken up only by a couple of slow backtracks when we had to go searching for Posey's missing sock(s).


Apparently we've all been cooped up so long, even Posey's toes were just itching for some fresh air.

Walking wasn't the only success around here yesterday. You may be surprised to hear it, but we've had some really great dinners lately. After a few misses recently, I was hesitant to stray too far from anything but tossed salads. However, we're now two for two with yummy new recipes. And they're easy. Just my style.

Both of the dishes we're already calling Family Favorites hail from the kitchen of Mama Pea. Even though we were a little gun shy of a second round of "burgers," we placed our appetites squarely in Mama Pea's hands, and she did not disappoint! We've already put her Black Bean Burgers on the menu again. We served them with the carrot fries she recommends, and they also were a hit. So much so, I bought a five-pound bag of organic carrots yesterday. Okay, some of these will be used for Posey's carrot purees, but we discovered that we can quickly devour one pound of carrot fries, so I stocked up in preparation. (Hint: Don't slice them thinly. They shrink up like crazy when you bake them.)

Then last night, we tried another concoction from the House of Pea -- Meaty Green Bean Casserole (made with Tofurkey sausage). Now, this is definitely reminiscent of the usual green bean mishmash many of us have during the holidays, and Mama Pea included it in a Christmas post. But it's fabulous enough to eat at any time of year. Good gravy, this was delicious. I was hoping Paul would lift up his plate and start licking so that I, alone, couldn't be blamed if our kids ever mimicked our total lack of social decorum in public. I beefed our green beans up with an extra Tofurkey sausage, and served it as the entree with roasted red potatoes on the side. Deeeeevine!

And while we're on a roll with our success stories, come by tomorrow to get up close and personal with someone who has success just oozing from her pores. A brand new feature starts tomorrow!

WIW and Mourning the Fat Life

It's Weigh-in Wednesday.

Pretty good news this week. I'm down three pounds.

I may not sound excited about that number, but that's because I'm fairly certain that the -3 is really more like -1. I've determined that last week's cookie weight was probably not actually a result of consuming heaps of sugary dough, but more likely a result of a monthly situation with my lady parts. Aaaaaaaaand now I've completely lost all my male readers. (Although, "all my male readers" = code for my husband.)

Nonetheless, that -1 gives me a net total of -13 pounds, and considering my kicking and screaming over having to face the exercise music lately, I'm feeling grateful for that.

I've actually been stewing quite a bit about this activity conundrum. And something suddenly occurred to me last night . . . this is like the stages of grief.

I don't want to belittle grief here. Not at all. But, I've always said that any change, even change for the better, can be stressful. So, in my own silly way, I've been thinking about how this experiment in healthy living has brought me to a place where I'm mourning my old, not-so-healthy life.

Are you familiar with the five stages of grief, which Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified in her book, On Death and Dying?

The stages Kubler-Ross names are:

* Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
* Anger (why is this happening to me?)
* Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
* Depression (I don't care anymore)
* Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Maybe I've just been on one too many diets in my lifetime, but I think these stages sound like the kind of thinking that goes on in my head when I get really ticked off about having to watch what I eat every day for the rest of my days or when I know I need to schlep myself around in the form of some type of activity.

I've lived in anger and denial for too long.
I've bargained. But it appears I'm not a very good negotiator.
I've been depressed. Oh, that's a phase I'm familiar with. Frequently referred to as the "Eff It" stage, where entire Boston cream pies become dinner. With cookies for dessert.

Have I moved on to acceptance?
Well, I don't know that I can say I'm ready for whatever comes, but I do finally admit that a belly like this


only looks cute until you're 2. Okay, maybe 3. But, by the time you're 40, your not-so-cute tummy is just getting you lectures from your doctor about how particularly dangerous body fat around the middle is and could you please consider trying to eliminate at least one of your spare tires?

Still . . . making these kinds of changes means evolving into an entirely different person. It's a bit like breaking up with someone you suspected from the start was bad news. You know you'd be better off without the guy (it's one thing to leave toenails in the sink, but do that AND spend our grocery money in a strip club?!), but what about the times you'd sit around watching Biggest Loser while eating pizza together? How could you ever replace that?

In other words, do I love brownies, a sore hip, and my personalized sofa cushion (i.e., the permanent indentation of my ass in the couch) enough to stick with them? Or do I instead accept that I'll be better off when I make the effort to move my body on a regular basis?

I know the answer. And you know that I know the answer.
If I keep blathering about it here, will the universe eventually propel me off the couch?

How did you finally stop being a sofa cushion?

The elephant in the room

I know you hang on my every word, but let me remind you of where we left off yesterday:

Patience.
Don't quit.
Give it time.
Try something new. (Marshmallow rewards?!)
More patience.
Still more patience.

The key for me, right now, I believe, is the try something new line. Of course, I was totally kidding about the marshmallow rewards. Kind of.

Actually, this is where things get stickier than a s'more at a 4th of July bar-b-que. The "something new" I had in mind when I wrote that post . . . it's the elephant in the room.

She's not a cute, pink elephant either.
She's most likely red-in-the-face, huffing, puffing, and covered in sweat despite her very cool, the 80's are back, Olivia Newton-John-esque headband.

She's the elephant known as Exercise. (aka, activity, moving your butt, working out, hitting the gym, and sweatin' to the oldies, among others.)

I've been reading a fair number of weight loss blogs since I started mine, and I have noticed one common thread -- every blog author moves.

I've been so focused on the food portion of weight loss (don't we all do that, though, really? How many exercise programs are best sellers?), I've completely neglected the activity portion. And I don't think I can anymore.

Oh, sure, I've lost weight without exercising before. There was the Grape Juice Diet of '97. That was a good one. Yes, I definitely lost weight consuming nothing but diluted grape juice all day, but it was a little difficult to stand at times. That was a major drawback. No exercise required on that diet!

However, I've since discovered that I prefer to not faint whenever I stand up from a seated position, so I'm thinking I'll stick with a more conservative approach this time. And that means *gulp* exercising, doesn't it?

Why do I feel like a 2-year old being dragged towards a nap when I acknowledge this?

I have lots of excuses. Oh, lots. You don't want to hear them, do you? I'm sure you can figure most of them out. There is nothing new, except that I am still struggling with hip pain (even after physical therapy). So I won't be doing a 5K tomorrow. I could walk, though. Or do a DVD.

But, when?
Take the girls?
Work out after they go to bed?
Before they get up?


Ack! It's too hard!

I know this is important, but someone motivate me, please.
I sure could use Dumbo's magic feather.

Weight loss v. potty training. Round 1.

Would I be a horrible mother to blame last weekend's Great Cookie Debacle on potty training? Dude. Potty training is stressful. And when haven't I turned to food when I'm stressed?

However, I'm happy to report that, since Wednesday, our wee little one seems to have jumped on board the wee-wee-in-the-potty bandwagon. (And I'll spare you the picture I texted Paul to show off our child's brilliant #4, too. Which I was shocked to notice, considering the number of marshmallows she has consumed as her treats for making it to the potty.)

But rewind to one week ago, and listen to my Inner-Tracie asking me, "What is this trying to teach you?" I knew I was getting disgruntled at times, and it was about something that was out of my control. What could I do besides show her the way? We could quit -- that was an option.

But I really hate quitting things.
And I rarely do, except when it comes to dieting.
Maybe that's why I just can't bring myself to "diet" right now. I know I'm eating better than I have in a very long time. And, frankly, where has dieting gotten me so far? How many times have I severely cut back on calories only to eventually find myself with my head in a bag of Snickers? What's the saying? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Now, fortunately, that expression does not apply to potty training.
But I do think we can find some parallels here.
What do weight loss and potty training have in common?

Well, we know they're both:
Frustrating.
Time consuming.
Messy. (We've talked before about the effects of adding fiber to one's diet. Ahem.)

But, have you thought about how both require patience?
Make that Extreme Patience?

And maybe the control thing . . . maybe that makes the patience piece of the puzzle even tougher. We really can't control our weight loss. If we could, whatever weight we need to lose would be gone overnight, wouldn't it? And what about those weeks when we eat so very well, we hit the gym consistently, and we wake up early to meditate each morning, only to find our efforts have resulted in a whopping weight loss of exactly . . . zero. Those kind of weeks make me want to throw something.

Patience.
Don't quit.
Give it time.
Try something new. (Marshmallow rewards?!)
More patience.
Still more patience.

All we can do is show our bodies the way.

Food for thought

With all the potty training, cookie eating, and Earth Day hubbub, I completely forgot about celebrating one month of blogging!

I hope we can continue to grow together. Or, preferably for some of us, shrink together.

I feel like I've gotten into the vegan groove . . . now the key is to find a balance between good food and good weight loss. I love the way we've been eating. But the plan still includes losing more than a few pounds. That part we need to work on.

As you head off to your weekend, here is something I read recently that struck me as descriptive of how I've been feeling. What a difference the right food can make in, well, everything.

One cannot think well, love well, or sleep well, if one has not dined well.
- Virginia Woolf

A day for the Earth. Decreasing girth.

We watched the documentary, No Impact Man, a couple of weeks ago. I had zero expectations for it, and Paul had never heard of it at all. But let me tell you, it had an impact.

In case you were questioning whether we really do eat granola every morning, this post will confirm it for you.

We've decided to pull the plug on the TV.

Colin Beavan, the actual No Impact Man, embarked on a project that would allow his family to live in New York City without making any impact on the planet. In addition to sending their television away, they ate only locally-grown vegetarian foods, bought nothing for one year except food, and eventually cut off their electricity altogether. Through this process, they became more connected with each other as well as their friends and neighbors. At the end of their one-year experiment, Beavan and his wife, Michelle, are shown discussing the changes they'd like to continue. Among those -- vegetarian foods and no television. (And Michelle was a self-confessed reality show addict . . . hmmmmmm.)

Now, I'm not going to try to pretend this will be easy for me. Frankly, I'll probably still catch an episode or two of my beloved reality shows online. But, if I'm going to do this, I want to do it with a positive outlook. So I'm focusing not on what I'll be missing, but what we'll all be finding.

First, what a perfect time of year to do this. Spring is here, and summer is right around the corner. It'll be like the old days when you couldn't find anything on TV in July except Love Boat reruns.

We're looking forward to family walks after dinner. More conversations. More involvement. More cooking together. More interest in each other. More fun. I mean, when was the last time we dragged out a board game? Paul better brush up on his Scrabblin' skillz.

Yes, I may only be agreeing to this on a purely experimental basis, and reserving the right to pull the plug on pulling the plug so that I can re-institute reality TV in full force, but I have high hopes for its success. I believe this process can only bring our family closer. (And maybe closer to fitting into smaller pants?)

We definitely are trying to make a lot of positive changes around here. So, why not give this a try, too? I'll love it or I'll hate it. But I won't know unless we dive in.

We're officially calling it quits on Sunday, April 25. You know I'll keep you posted on my withdrawal symptoms. (Can I get Real Housewives updates here?)

How are you celebrating Earth Day?

Read a great review of No Impact Man, the documentary, here.

Weigh-in Wednesday

These cookies . . .

. . . were not good to me this week.

At least according to my still-possibly-horribly-inaccurate scale. (I swear I've been scale shopping. Just haven't found one that comes with a lying function.) So I can pray that the scale was not in its sweet spot, but I have a feeling these cookies brought back the 2 pounds I said good-bye to last week.

Bummer.

But, listen. Do I wish I hadn't gained 2 pounds? Of course. But were those cookies some of the best to ever cross my lips? Oh, my, yes. (I've never understood that saying, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I'm like, "She must not be eating what I'm eating.")

That said, I sure do want to wear some of the pretty clothes in my closet again, so I've been trying to reflect on the bad weeks, not beat myself up too badly, and figure out what happened that I can learn from. This week, we know what happened. Chocolate chip cookies happened. However, trying to see the positives here, I have to give myself props for a) making these vegan cookies from scratch, and b) screwing them up.

I do hope that one of these days, I'll be able to eat fewer than 9 cookies at a sitting, so I'm sharing my "mistake" here with you. It's no secret that I'm not exactly a whiz in the kitchen, and because of that, I'm afraid to ever stray from a recipe. I just don't have enough creative slant or faith in my ability.

So when Paul saw me getting out all the ingredients for the cookies, and said, "Oh, you're using sea salt?" I hesitated for a moment because I know his culinary skills put mine to shame. But then I thought, doesn't the salt, even big chunky sea salt, just get dissolved in the batter anyway? And tossed it in.

Well, it didn't. Even as I was forming dough balls on the cookie sheet, I could see little salt pellets here and there. But the dough tasted okay to me, so I kept going.

The end result? Have you ever had those sea salt caramels? Yeah. Like that.
You get a hit of sweet and salty at the same time, and it's really heavenly.
After about cookie #11, I said to Paul, "I think it's the salt." And he agreed. He told me they're among the best chocolate chip cookies he's ever had. (They're vegan!!) And this man is a connoisseur of chocolate chip cookies. I take his compliment seriously.

Yeah, odd that I'm singing the praises of chocolate chip cookies in the same post that I am lamenting my weight gain. But I'm a giver. I want you to experience cookie bliss at some point, too. Maybe you'll want to wait until you're in a better place. I get that. I'll be waiting awhile before I try to co-habitate with them again, I'll tell you.

But one of these days, sea-salt-chocolate-chip cookies, I'll let you back into my life. Right now, I think I need to see other foods. Whenever you're around, I take you for granted. Neither of us wants that kind of relationship, right? It's not you. It's me.